


The words we say that don't mean anything (and the ones we say that mean everything)

by Kml19



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Almost death, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, Hurt, M/M, but no death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 04:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10404273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kml19/pseuds/Kml19
Summary: Neil has a nightmare and fights with Andrew. But then Andrew get hurt and Neil feels lost.





	

**Author's Note:**

> me: I am going to write some fluff now that I finished my angst fic!  
> me @ me: Write that angst that your friend asked for about "You are everything Abram"
> 
> I always end up on the angst... this is 100% self indulgent even if the prompt came from a friend... Sorry for any grammar mistakes!  
> (unbeta'd)

Neil woke up sweating and trembling. His nightmare still played behind his eyelids and he refused to think too much about it, so instead he turned and stared at Andrew beside him. This was one of that rare moments which he woke up before the blond one, so he stayed still taking this opportunity look at Andrew’s sleeping form. He had a peaceful expression on, meaning that his nightmares had given him a break today.

Suddenly his own nightmare came back in his mind. It wasn’t the usual stuff. He dreamed of that day seven years before when Lola had used the lighter on his skin. He dreamed of the drive with the FBI, but instead of the Foxes waiting for him with open arms, they glared at him. They said cruel words at him. Called him _a liar, an danger, gangster’s son, **nothing.**_

Deep down Neil knew that it was all his brain still don’t believing that the Foxes had accepted him back, but it was hard to listen to it when the clear images of them hating him was in his head. Then he noticed that Andrew had woken up and was staring at him. It was too much. Look at Andrew’s eyes that his dream replicated perfectly. He knew that if he looked at it with attention he would see the calm and tender feelings that Andrew now had when looking at him, but he was too scared of seeing instead the disdain and coldness that his dream-version showed, so he got up and left to change his clothes and go for his morning run.

He came back early than usual because Andrew would leave before lunch to go with his team to a pre-game meeting and he had to prepare everything in the house to receive the visit of the Foxes.

It was hard to choose a date to the reunion of the Foxes, always one of them had something else to do. They finally decided to spend the day on Neil and Andrew’s apartment. Neil had free day and Andrew had a game that would end on the afternoon, but no one complained on him having to be late to the reunion.

Neil entered the apartment, and, after seeing Andrew drinking coffee on the kitchen he went to the shower. The nightmare hadn’t left him yet but he decided to drown it on his thoughts of seeing again his old teammates.

“Morning” He said when passing by Andrew on the kitchen. He opened the fridge and ignored the pointed stare of Andrew on his back.

“I thought you were happy about getting to see that people.” _People_ , Neil scoffed.

“They were your teammates too, you know.” He said closing the fridge without taking anything from it.

“But I wasn’t the one thinking about anything else but this ‘party’ for the last five days.”

“What? You think I’m not excited to it anymore?”

“You seem to be thinking nonsense when you should be checking if any of your cats left a fur ball as a surprise for the visitors.”

“You are worried of what they are going to think about our apartment?”

“No. My point is, _you_ should be but you aren’t. Why?” Neil sighed and filled himself a mug of coffee. He took two sips of it before talking.

“I had a nightmare.” Andrew waited in silence and Neil knew that if he wanted to finish the conversation here Andrew would let it happen, but for some reason he needed the confirmation of how wrong his nightmare was. “It was about that day with the FBI.” He saw tension find its way on Andrew’s shoulders. “But instead of wanting me back…all of you blamed me for what had happened. You all called me a danger to the team and said…said that I was nothing to you.” He finished looking at his own feet waiting for Andrew to say something. Anything.

“It wasn’t what happened.” He simply said.

“I know.” He answered closing his eyes. He heard the other put his mug on the sink before leaving the kitchen and sitting on the couch. Dumbfounded, Neil looked at Andrew’s head for a while before going there and stopping between him and the muted TV. “That’s it?” Andrew only lifted an eyebrow at him. “You are not going to say anything else?”

“Say what?” Neil couldn’t believe him right now. “ _Your family_ will come here today, you can confirm whatever you want from them.” Neil felt his temper rising and looking at his forgotten mug on the kitchen’ table, he scoffed.

“Talking to a wall is more productive than talking to you.” He said with ice on his voice.

“What do you want from me?” Andrew asked after a few seconds in silence.

“You should leave.” Neil said quietly. Andrew’s meeting would be in a few hours but he needed to be alone. Without a word Andrew got up, changed clothes and left with his bag.

 

“And then King Fluffkins just scratched Aaron’s leg.” Nicky finished his story of his last visit to Neil’s apartment with the laughs of the foxes. Neil smiled at them. He was stupid to have doubted them. They are his family, doesn’t matter how long they stay apart.

“Seriously man, I love your cats.” Matt said earning him a glare from Aaron. They were all scattered around the living room, drinking and talking. The TV was on, playing Andrew’s match, Kevin was watching it, focused, and Neil pretended he wasn’t checking the score at every five minutes. Andrew’s team was winning, with the goalkeeper only missing one goal since he was put on the game. The game ended and the Foxes cheered Andrew’s win.

“He is playing well.” Dan commented while the TV showed the players shaking hands and leaving the stadium.

“Yeah.” Neil replied weakly.

“He should pay more attention on the balls that come on his left side. I noticed that in his last four games-…”

  
“Oh, shut up Kevin!” Allison said. “Can we watch a game without you analyzing every play? Some of us don’t play anymore and the ones that do are on a free day. You know what a 'free day' means?”

“Poor Kevin. Can’t let the love of his life alone.” Nicky said with a high-five with Allison.

“I’m just saying that he should-…”

“No. Shut up. We are going to talk about fun stuff, like my last vacation to Bahamas.” Allison said throwing her hair over her shoulder.

“Yes, super fun. Like that part where we were prohibited of entering that restaurant because you fought the owner.” Renee said making they all laugh and Allison scowl at her.

“It was a misunderstanding.” The foxes started making fun of her until she corrected herself. “Okay, you know what? I don’t regret it. He was being a misogynist jerk. I even tough about suing him but I think I put him in his place already.” That earned her a proud high-five from Dan. And they kept talking like this, about everything and nothing, for two more hours.

“When is Andrew coming?” Nicky asked Neil at one point.

“That’s right, wasn't he going to come back after the game?” Matt said. Neil shrugged.

“Maybe he went to a celebration party with his team.” Neil said

“Andrew? On a party? With his teammates?” Dan asked with a lifted eyebrow. “Since when he does this kind of thing?” Neil only shrugged again and the subject changed. Neil didn’t talked with Andrew again after their fight. After receiving two calls from Andrew, he left his phone on the bedroom and it probably was without battery at this point. He wasn’t sure if he was still angry at him, but admit that he overreacted was something he wasn’t ready to do yet.

After a few minutes the home phone started ringing. _Strange_ , Neil though, the majority of the people that would call him were already there on the house, with a frown he picked it up.

“Hello.”

“Neil Josten?” The women on the line asked. Neil felt his stomach turn, that question was never a good sign.

“Yes.” He said. The other foxes noticed his tension and stopped talking and looked at him.

“We are calling you because you are listed as the emergency contact of Andrew Minyard.” Neil felt the floor tilting under his feet.

“What…what happened?”

“He was found with a head injury on the city stadium' parking lot. Could you come here to sign his papers and-…”

“How-how is he?” The others on the room stood up.

“He is in surgery at the moment.”

“What is the address?” he asked numbly. After hearing it he hung up and went for his keys and shoes forgetting about the other people on the house.

“What happened?” Matt asked. All eyes were on Neil.

“An-Andrew is on the hospital.” Neil said still not registering what was going on.

“Why?” Aaron asked and Neil shook his head indicating he didn’t know.

“Oh my God. We are going with you.” Dan said.

They didn’t let him drive so he went on the same car as Dan and Matt. The ride was silent and Neil only moved when they reached the hospital. They all went to the receptionist that gave him the papers he should fill and pointed him the way to the surgery room that Andrew was on. Nicky filled the papers instead while Neil sat on the chairs beside the door of the surgery room.

After a while Nicky joined them and waited in silence with the others. Neil rested his elbows on his knees and put his hands on his hairs forcing his breath to go back to normal.

“I have some contacts on the local police, I will call them and figure out what happened.” Allison said leaving them. Neil barely registered her words. Every moment that took to the doors to open Neil was a step closer to total panic. He decided on counting the seconds to keep himself calm, then counting the minutes. After eleven minutes, Allison came back.

“And?” Renee asked.

“They said his car broke on the parking lot and instead of getting a cab he waited for the mechanic. They think he was mugged.” Allison said. Neil laughed humorlessly, it was so Andrew to wait for the mechanic instead of going home on a cab.

Twenty minutes passed. Then fourty. By the time an hour passed all the foxes were tense. Then the doors opened. They were all on their feet on a second. The doctor stopped when he saw then and when Neil took a step closer to him, the man turned his attention to him.

“His head injury was big and he lost a lot of blood. The surgery was a very delicate one and we can have sure of its success only when he wakes up. What we could do, we did.” He said and then the bed passed the doors reveling a very pale Andrew. Neil couldn’t move, and judging by the stillness of his friends, they also couldn’t. They took Andrew away in a second. “We are going to put him on the ICU and tell you when you can visit. There’s no way to tell how long it will take for him to wake up.”

“What do you mean?” Nicky asked. Neil didn’t take his eyes off where Andrew was but he was sure Nicky had tears on his face.

“It could take a day or weeks. As I said before, we did what we could. The rest is up to him.” The doctor finished and left.

Neil fell on the chair again not knowing what to do, what to say, how to react. Matt put a hand on his shoulder but he couldn’t feel it.

 

When they finally could see Andrew, they only permitted three people at the same time. It wasn’t a hard choice.

Seeing Andrew pale and connected to a lot of machines wasn’t easy. Neil sat on one of the chairs and hesitated before taking one of his hands between his own. Aaron stayed silent and Nicky sobbed quietly. At one point Nicky left to talk to the others and say they could leave. He came back and Aaron left to call Katelyn.

“I asked them to give food to your cats and to bring a few clothes for you.” Nicky said and Neil quietly thanked him.

 

Six days passed and the media was insane with the news. Andrew’s teammates and coach visited once, if they were surprised to see Neil Josten, Andrew’s rival, by his side, they didn’t say anything.  Aaron and Nicky spend almost every day there, Nicky didn’t try to lighten the mood not even once. The other Foxes had visited three times to make sure Neil was still in one piece. Neil wasn’t sure if he was.

Neil managed to take time off after he explained the situation (all by the phone, he didn’t leave the hospital one second). He felt like food turned into ashes in his mouth and had to be reminded to stay hydrated. He only talked if directly asked to.

On the seventh day Dan was by his side when Allison came.

“It was a nightmare pass through the reporters outside.” She said with a scowl.

“What?” Neil asked, his voice hoarse. Allison exchanged glances with Dan.

“There are a lot of reporters outside trying to get some update.” Before Allison finished Neil got up and left in direction to the hospital entrance. Dan and Allison called his name and Matt and Nicky (that were waiting on the hall) tried to stop him. But at the end he managed to make his way to the group of reporters on the outside. When they saw him, they all shoved they mikes and cameras on him.

“Neil Josten, can you make a statement on why you are here?”

“Neil Josten, there’s a rumor that you stayed here since the day Andrew Minyard was admitted, is that true?”

“How is Andrew Minyard condition?”

“What does this means to the Josten-Minyard rivalry?”   

“You are all a bunch of vultures.” Neil said coldly making all of them shut up. “Andrew is barely surviving in there and you all ask about our rivalry! All you are doing is pestering our friends, our family. If you had a little bit of consideration you would give us peace to deal with what is going on. You want a statement? Fuck you all and leave us the fuck alone.” Neil finished and went back to Andrew’s side.

That night he received a message from the PR manager of his team saying he needed to decide if he wanted to come clean about his relationship with Andrew. Neil was always the one that liked to mess with press, Andrew had let very clear that he didn’t care about it. It was always up to Neil, but he still felt a stone on his heart at having to make a decision alone. Later he received another message with the statement they released saying that he and Andrew have been in a relationship for seven years.

Staring at Andrew’s face he lost himself in his thoughts, remembering their every moment. Their kisses, their talks, their silent moments. And for the first time he thought about his last words to Andrew.

_“Talking to a wall is more productive than talking to you.”_

_“You should leave.”_

He took Andrew’s hand in his and said with a low voice:

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…I overreacted, it was unfair of me to expect you to get rid of all of my demons for me when I can’t do it with yours either. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I’m sorry…” His phone vibrated indicating a new message. This time was from Nicky saying he was going to come back the next day. Neil closed the message and for the first time noticed an exclamation on the phone icon, indicating he had a voice mail. He lost his breath when he saw who it was from.

_Andrew_

The voice mail was send after the fourth time he had tried to call Neil seven days ago. With trembling fingers he clicked on it and put the phone on his ear.

“Pick up your damn phone Josten, I didn’t gave it to you as a decoration item.” He said and stayed silent for a few seconds. “Listen…I’m…I really think the only people that can make you feel less insecure about the Foxes are them.” Neil took a shaking breath listening Andrew’s voice so unsure, something he hadn’t heard before. “You should put on your stubborn head already that they also consider you their family. That there isn’t a moment that they don’t worry for you.” Andrew slowly inhaled and exhaled before speaking again, his voice was open and raw. “You are not nothing, Abram. You are everything.” The line went silent.

Neil felt tears falling and bit on his lower lip trying to control his sobs.

 

On the eleventh day, he was with Aaron and Nicky when Andrew woke up. He moved his hand on Neil’s hold slightly and slowly opened his eyes. The nurses were fast on his side and before any of the three could do anything they were asked to leave. It took thirty tense minutes before Andrew was transferred to a room and they could visit him. He was sleeping when they entered the room. Neil tried to hide his disappointment.

Andrew slept the whole day and when night came and he was alone with him, Neil fell asleep. He woke up feeling a slight movement on the bed where he had his head on. When he looked up he saw hazel eyes looking at him. He sighed not knowing how to say how happy he was to see those eyes again. They looked at each other for a few moments only taking the other in.

“You look like shit.” Andrew said. His voice was hoarse from the lack of use but Neil smiled at the words.

“You should look into the mirror.” Andrew scoffed and turned his head to the ceiling, his eyelids already getting heavy again. Neil didn’t felt the need to say anything more, content in seeing the other fall asleep peacefully, knowing the next day was going to be full of visitors and commotion. Andrew pressed his hand a little and Neil also slept, with an smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos if you enjoyed and comment anything you want about it <3<3


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